Many people don’t use for the drug itself, but for what they stop feeling. Learn what emotional dysregulation is, where it comes from, and why feeling without escaping is key to recovery.
Many people don’t start using because of the drug itself, but because of what they stop feeling when they use. Alcohol, cannabis, or stimulants work, for a while, like an “off switch” for anxiety, sadness, anger, or emptiness.
For years, emotional distress was thought to be mainly a consequence of addiction. Today, research points in another direction: difficulty managing emotions is also a driving force that starts and sustains substance use. Understanding this changes the way we approach prevention and treatment.
This doesn’t mean the substance doesn’t matter. Drugs and alcohol change the brain and create dependence. But focusing only on the substance leaves out a very important question: what was the person looking for when they started using, and what are they still looking for every time they do?
Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize what we feel, tolerate it, and respond in a way that doesn’t harm us. It doesn’t mean not feeling; it means knowing what to do with what we feel.
We all regulate our emotions every day, often without realizing it: when we take a deep breath before answering, when we call someone we trust after a bad day, or when we go for a walk to clear our heads. These are small strategies that help us get back to a calm state.
When this ability fails, what specialists call emotional dysregulation appears. It often looks like this:
In this situation, a substance that relieves distress within minutes becomes very appealing. The problem is that the relief is brief, and the brain learns that the way to “fix” a difficult emotion is to use.
Over time, a cycle forms: the uncomfortable emotion leads to using, using brings relief for a while, and then come guilt, problems, or withdrawal, which create more distress… and once again, the urge to use.
People who feel overwhelmed by their emotions don’t just have a harder time: they are also at greater risk of developing an addiction.
Difficulty regulating emotions is consistently associated with substance use, but also with non-substance addictions, such as gambling or problematic internet use (González-Roz et al., 2024). In other words, the underlying problem isn’t a particular drug, but the need to escape from what one feels.
This finding is solid because it brings together the results of many studies, and the same trend appeared across every form of addiction analyzed. And the relationship probably works both ways: difficult emotions push people toward using, and using, in turn, weakens their ability to manage emotions (González-Roz et al., 2024).
This pattern appears from a young age: young people who have more difficulty managing their emotions show more addictive behaviors, both with and without substances, and these difficulties are often rooted in how they learned to relate to the people who cared for them (Estévez et al., 2017).
The study included adolescents and young students, and found that emotional dysregulation was linked both to alcohol and drug use and to behaviors such as gambling, video gaming, or excessive internet and cell phone use (Estévez et al., 2017). Adolescence is a stage of intense emotions and change; if young people lack the tools to manage them at that time, the risk of looking for “shortcuts” increases.
The key idea: people don’t use only for pleasure; many times, they use to stop feeling.
We learn to manage our emotions in childhood, through our relationships with those who care for us. When a child receives comfort and support, they gradually learn to calm themselves. When that support is missing or unpredictable, they may grow up without those tools.
Specialists call this early bond attachment. Secure attachment forms when a child feels they can turn to their caregivers and that their caregivers will respond. Insecure attachment forms when a child doesn’t know whether they will find support, or learns that showing their feelings doesn’t help or even causes problems.
That is why insecure attachment is linked to greater difficulty regulating emotions, which in turn is linked to addictive behaviors (Estévez et al., 2017). Put another way: the substance can come to take the place of the calm the person never learned to give themselves.
This doesn’t mean that family history determines anyone’s destiny. It means these skills can be learned later in life, and that treatment can help build them.
If emotions are at the root of substance use, quitting the substance isn’t enough. It’s also necessary to work on what the substance was “solving.”
In fact, when a person stops using, the emotions the substance was covering up often come back stronger. Without other tools, that distress becomes a significant risk for relapse.
Treatments that teach emotional regulation help people better manage what they feel, and this improvement can go hand in hand with reduced substance use (Chrétien et al., 2025). Learning to feel without escaping thus becomes a central part of recovery.
In practice, this usually includes:
A simple example: instead of only thinking “I feel like using,” the person learns to stop and ask themselves, “What am I feeling right now?” Sometimes the answer is loneliness; other times it’s exhaustion, anger, or fear. Naming the emotion already opens the door to responding differently.
If you answered yes to several of these, it isn’t a character flaw. It’s a sign that substance use is serving an emotional purpose, and that can be worked on with professional help.
If you have a family member who uses, these questions can also help you see your loved one differently: behind their substance use there may be emotions they don’t know how to handle. This doesn’t excuse the harm addiction causes, but it does help you understand that the solution isn’t just about forbidding, but about supporting them and seeking treatment.
Addiction is rarely just about the substance. Often, it’s a way to survive emotions that feel too big. That’s why recovery isn’t only about stopping use, but about learning new ways to feel without hurting oneself.
The good news is that emotional regulation is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned at any age.
At Lumenia, we support people with substance use problems and their families, combining science with the experience of those of us who have already walked the path of recovery. If you have any questions, message us on WhatsApp at +52 81 1805 4988.
If you need immediate guidance in Mexico, you can also call the Línea de la Vida (Lifeline) at 800 911 2000, free and available 24 hours a day. If there is an immediate risk to the life of your family member or anyone else, call 911.
Chrétien, S., Giroux, I., Smith, I., Jacques, C., Ferland, F., Sévigny, S., & Bouchard, S. (2025). Emotional regulation in substance-related and addictive disorders treatment: A systematic review. Journal of Gambling Studies, 41(2), 353–448. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10899-024-10366-8
Estévez, A., Jáuregui, P., Sánchez-Marcos, I., López-González, H., & Griffiths, M. D. (2017). Attachment and emotion regulation in substance addictions and behavioral addictions. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 6(4), 534–544. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.6.2017.086
González-Roz, A., Castaño, Y., Krotter, A., Salazar-Cedillo, A., & Gervilla, E. (2024). Emotional dysregulation in relation to substance use and behavioral addictions: Findings from five separate meta-analyses. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 24(3), 100502. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijchp.2024.100502
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